Laugh while it burns

Welcome to the Front Row of the Fireworks
If you’ve looked at a news notification lately and felt the sudden urge to buy a violin just so you can play it while everything dissolves into chaos, you’re in the right place. Welcome to day one of our new series: Jokes for the End of the World. Our first theme? Laugh While It Burns. There’s a specific kind of freedom that comes with total uncertainty. It’s the "This is Fine" dog energy, but with better prose. When the metaphorical (or literal) world is on fire, you have two choices: panic or realize that the flames provide excellent lighting for a selfie.
Think about the perks of a burning world:

• Zero Long-Term Planning: Finally, an excuse to stop worrying about your 401(k). The only "long-term" plan you need is deciding what to have for dinner before the fridge stops working.
• The Ultimate Icebreaker: "So, how about that existential dread?" works at every party.
• Property Values: They can’t go down if the neighborhood is technically underwater or on Mercury.

The "End Times" Starter Pack
To get your creative juices flowing, here are a few thoughts to chew on:
The Silver Lining: The good news is that if the world ends tomorrow, you don't have to finish that spreadsheet your boss asked for. The bad news? Your boss is probably an immortal cockroach who will still expect it by EOD Monday.
Customer Service: Imagine calling the Apocalypse Hotline. “Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. You are currently number 8 billion in the queue. For Fire, press 1. For Ice, press 2. For 'I’d like to speak to a manager about the gravity situation,' please hold.”
Now, It’s Your Turn
We’re crowd-sourcing our survival through satire. I want to hear your best (or worst) jokes about Laughing While It Burns. Give us your one-liners, your "walks into a bar" scenarios at the edge of the abyss, and your most absurd coping mechanisms. Post your jokes in the comments or send them in—let’s turn this dumpster fire into a bonfire.
See you after tomorrow for Part 2, where we tackle: "The Road Warrior’s Guide to Etiquette."