The Road Warrior’s Guide to Etiquette

Welcome back to the wasteland, everyone. Now that we’ve collectively agreed to let the world burn (and acknowledged that the lighting is fantastic), it’s time to talk about the logistics of the "After." Just because the social contract has been shredded and used as kindling doesn’t mean we have to be rude.
If we’re going to be barreling down a salt flat in a vehicle made entirely of scrap metal and spite, we might as well do it with a little class. Here is the definitive Road Warrior’s Guide to Etiquette.
1. Dress for the Job You Want (Even if it’s "Warlord")
In the old world, "business casual" was the bane of our existence. In the new world, your outfit should scream, "I found this in a dumpster, but I make it look menacing."

• The Rule: If your shoulder pads don't have at least three spikes, are you even trying to survive?
• The Etiquette: Please ensure your rusted chains do not rattle during quiet hours. Some of us are trying to have existential crises in peace.

2. Bartering: The New Small Talk
Currency is dead. Long live the half-empty bottle of lukewarm soda and the single AA battery.

• The Rule: Never offer a "buy one, get one free" deal on scavenged canned peaches. It looks desperate.
• The Etiquette: It is considered poor form to point out that the "rare vintage map" your neighbor is trading you is actually a placemat from a 2014 Denny’s. Just say "thank you" and move on.

3. Road Rage with Grace
In a world without traffic lights, the right-of-way goes to whoever has the largest flamethrower. However, there’s no need to be a jerk about it.

• The Rule: If someone tries to harpoon your fuel tank, a simple, polite swerve is enough. No need to make a scene.
• The Etiquette: If you must scream "Witness me!" before merging onto the decimated remains of the I-95, please do so at a reasonable volume. We’re all tired.

The Wasteland Wisdom: Manners are the only thing separating us from the mutated raccoons. And even the raccoons have started washing their hands before they steal your spark plugs.
 
Your Turn: What Are Your Rules?
The wasteland is a big place, and I’m sure you’ve encountered some serious social faux pas out there near the radioactive craters.

• What’s the polite way to tell a marauder their mohawk is lopsided?
• Is it okay to bring a "plus-one" to a thunderdome fight?

Drop your Etiquette Tips in the comments. Let’s build a society worth surviving in, one sarcastic rule at a time.